I've been residing predominately inside of my own mind, a tiny space and yet a bountiful plain and a tortured desert. When the sun is out the solar rays penetrate my skull and permeate the grey matter within, and I'm overcome with awe and beauty and I truly love the world in a deep and meaningful way; so much so that I am getting teary thinking about it. I am alternately at the pit of despair contemplating loss, and death, and the compicated nature of this bizarre and layered existance. I am aware of being aware, and I think about thinking - all it is being physics, different electrons shooting off. The brain and the body follows the rules of physics like anything else.

Then I look around and I am astounded and full of love. I do not know what runs this computer, where this will go, what lasts in this world but I am in awe. I saw a finch outside the English building and it was great, the way that it scrapped around in the mulch by the bush. I could not predict when it would chirp, and I wondered at the complexity of this small insignificant thing, not unlike myself. It disappeared into the bush and I could only see a vague outline of it, and I wondered if it really did exist.

I meant to write about cynicism today, and maybe I am. There are those who search for something spiritual, something mystic about this existence, and I wonder why. Isn't it magical enough? Does it have to be more complex to be lovely? Think of yourself now, sitting at your computer, reading this. Are you editorializing in your mind as you do so? As I sit here myself I glance at a tangle of pipes in the ceiling of this basement computer lab, and I am astounded that it is there. I am astounded that there are even three dimensions, considering the complexity of even one.

And yet it is so imperceptible, all of it. These words are merely symbols, thoughts do not conform to their constricting aesthetic. Words do not get ideas across in a way that is tangible enough. It is great, is it not? Sigh and observe, love this world and all of its imperfections. But know that I can only have these thoughts because I am lucky enough not to be starving or dying.