Public transportation is great. I’ve always been a big advocate, but then I’ve never had a car, so there you go. It’s not just that, though, I just love the idea that you can read or keep your eyes shut while travelling, at a cost usually much cheaper and in a much safer way than an automobile. Just a warning, though: if you’re caught sleeping on the El, that’s a fine.
It’s a great place to observe human behavior. Take for example, the ‘looking at each other’ game everyone (besides the readers) play. Glance, look away, glance, look away, glance at the reflection surreptitiously, look down etc.
I got into a ‘staring challenge’ yesterday with a pretty girl near the Damen stop. I was preparing my things to get off of the train, looking down and fumbling with my hat and CD player when I looked up and was locked in a stare. It was a record stare – nearly 4 seconds at a distance on only 2 feet at maximum. I failed the challenge and looked away.
No missed connection either. So far.
Then there’s the old ‘hobo urine challenge’. This one is for the people with either a bad cold or a strong stomach. This has happened to me a few times over the years, but I faced an extreme challenge about a month ago when I entered a car that literally smelled like I had a dirty sock soaked in pure-yellow hangover plus asparagus pee duct taped to my face. The culprit of the smell was sitting on a damp pile of newspapers on one of the seats, drifting in and out of sleep. He was filthy. Though it was rush hour and the train was packed he was comfortable with a 6 foot buffer space around him.
I failed that challenge after one stop and moved to another car gasping for air like I’d gotten a face full of sarin gas. Hobos win most El challenges they decide to enter.
The final challenge that I haven’t mastered is the old ‘ride while reading, and not holding on’ challenge. I don’t understand the secret of these masters of balance, and would be much obliged if someone would let me in on it. Glue shoes? Inner-ear surgery? Weighted briefcase? The lurch, pull and sway of the train seems so random and unpredictable that every time I attempt the trick I’m flung embarrassingly into my tightly packed neighbors, and scowled upon.
It is what it is
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Blue Line Blogger
Spewed out by Will at 12:08
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
thats annoying that you can get a ticket for sleeping on the el. why cant they just assess the situation and give tickets to those that arent going to be able to pay them..like peeing hobos?
I sleep honestly once a day on the "L", either to work or back, at least for a short amount of time, and I've never had any problems. Maybe it's because I only piss myself about once a month that they haven't bothered me yet.
the dubious stand and read on the L? -- i haven't even mastered the stand and fix my headphones.
I never new it was written "El", I always thought of it as "L". Now it all makes sense. "El" is short for "Elanor"!
I prefer to call it "El Guapo".
I also love not having a car and riding the trains. One of the only perks of living in this hellhole.
I like the guess-which-germs-I'm-getting game. Hacking McCoughsalot sat behind me once, and only his constant phlegmy outbreaks broke the purple line silence. I felt like I was getting little puffs of air around my head every time he hacked, maybe that's how I got birdflu.
In old Santiago the metro was chlling. No one, I mean no one in the whole city smiles, its just not done. So we two long haired grinning gringo's were met with eye-knives plunking down on the train with our elephant sized backpacks. I think we were the equivalent of pee soaked hobo dregs there.
k.e.
The most frequent annoyance that I have to deal with is when a person decides to sit next to me despite the 20 other open seats. What's with these weirdos? Everyone is crazy.
Picture this. Early Thurs. morning and I am waiting for the Red Lines rush hour train at 8 am. I watch as the el cars pass me by and slowly come to a halt. To my amazement there are a few seats open and I rush over to claim one in the name of Kristin. As I am doing this I look to my left and see a few dozen people absolutely packed on the other half of the car clutching there bags with an unpleasant look on their faces. This is when the smell hits me and I repel away from my beloved seat. Shit, literally, a steaming pile of shit had clamed the entire right side of the train. I was dooped, dooped to think that I had a chance of relaxation on my way to school. To realize a fucking homeless guy had already made sure to make my day miserable. There was another time a guy tried to pee on me but that story is for another time. I don’t miss the el. I love my car.
One more thing, while standing and reading on the train... all you have to do is position your feet like you are surfing. With less crouching. And no crazy hand gestures. It’s all about how you keep the position of you legs and once you get that its smooth sailing.
Post a Comment